Everybody lies

posted on Tuesday, November, 13th, 2007 in default

Five days ago I quit smoking. *applause, applause*

If you have ever discussed smoking – and especially quitting – with somebody, you have probably heard this excuse: “I’m not addicted. I could stop anytime, if I wanted to.” And you know what? It really works that way. Last Thursday I just decided that it was time for me to quit smoking and flushed the last of my tobacco down the toilet. And that was that.

Once again I felt a deep connection with Dr. House, what with being detoxing and all. I am still waiting for withdrawal symptoms, though. So far: nothing. That is a bit of a disappointment. I mean, how are you supposed to feel proud of yourself for showing strength of will and all that if there is nothing to actually fight against? Why do ex-smokers then always make such a big deal of quitting the habit? Did I do anything wrong?

I did smoke for several years, and quite heavily lately, so if there really are physical symptoms of addiction, I should have them. Alas, I don’t.

The only thing that is actually a problem are the habits and long-standing routines I have to change now. After every meal, or when I am bored, or in the evening when I’m watching t.v., not to mention during break-time when a whole group of my colleagues stands around outside to have a smoke, I have this nagging voice in my head that whines “Wouldn’t it be nice if I could have a cigarette now? Just one. Pleeease!” But it’s not the feeling that I would need one, just that I’d like one, which is a big difference in my eyes.

I started last week to keep a tally of the cigarettes I didn’t smoke – making a mark in a notebook whenever I thought I would like to have one. On day 1 there were 39 marks in that book (more than I ever smoked in one day), today there were only 5. I have given myself 30 days to get over it completely, but right now it looks like I’m almost there already.

Meanwhile I am amused to watch myself (and my body) deal with life without nicotine. It’s amazing how fast my sense of smell returned – I can smell a smoker from 3 metres away now. To regain my sense of taste completely will probably take a while longer. To get used to socializing with people without having anything to hold on to in my hand will probably take forever (I have never been big on socializing, but since I rarely go out at the moment I am not worrying about that right now).

But already it feels less exhausting to walk up the stairs to the fourth floor where my apartment is. So maybe I really will take up jogging as soon as the weather is getting better again (that would be March at the earliest).

Now my only worry is that I could turn into one of those militant ex-smokers without any sense of humor that preach the dangers of smoking to everyone around them and try to convert each and every smoker they meet. *shudder*

Now that would be decidedly uncool.